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15 One-Liners From Stand-Up Comedian Legends
Stand-up comedy has significantly evolved from humble hidden bars to huge sold-out arenas. This decade-long entertainment format also gave us legendary comedians who coned some of the most iconic one-liner jokes that continue to resonate with audiences.
These brief punchy phrases can often translate real-life scenarios into the most unhinged and hilarious jokes you most likely would never come up with. For example, Steven Wright's dry humor shines in, “I think it's wrong that only one company makes Monopoly,” while Mitch Hedberg’s playful comment on relationships is captured in his memorable one-liner, “I don't have a girlfriend, I just have someone who would be really mad if they heard me say that.”
You might not have read these 15 one-liners from comedy legends, but they'll definitely strike a laugh or two from you. Enjoy!
Jimmy Carr
"The first guy who persuaded a blind person they needed sunglasses – he must have been a good salesman."
(Source: Reddit)
Mitch Hedberg
"I don't have a girlfriend, I just have someone who would be really mad if they heard me say that."
(Source: Azquotes)
Louis C.K.
"The meal is not over when I'm full. The meal is over when I hate myself."
(Source: Reddit)
Jimmy Carr
"When I told my friends I was going to be a professional comedian, they all laughed. They're not laughing now."
(Source: Reddit)
Emo Philips
"I caught a huge fish and I was dying to mount it…but there were people watching."
(Source: Reddit)
Dara O'Briain
"If we were truly created by God, then why do we still occasionally bite the insides of our own mouths?"
(Source: Reddit)
Les Dawson
"My father drank so heavily, when he blew on the birthday cake he lit the candles.”
(Source: Reddit)
Wendy Liebman
"Most of my childhood is a big blur, 'cause I needed better glasses."
(Source: Brainyquote)
Rita Rudner
"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
(Source: Brainyquote)
Anthony Jeselnik
“Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence; because if she doesn’t have that, then she’s mine.”
(Source: Brainyquote)
Demetri Martin
"I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything."
(Source: Brainyquote)
Wanda Sykes
"Men are dogs. Men are dogs. We got to stop it. Men are not dogs. Uh-uh. Dogs are loyal."
(Source: Brainyquote)
Bernie Mac
"You know you poor when you eatin' breakfast food late. You fryin' toast?"
(Source: Brainyquote)
Eddie Murphy
"The advice I would give to someone is to not take anyone's advice."
(Source: Brainyquote)
